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aearwen2...and the hard part of my stay has finally come to roost. This morning, my brother signed a sales contract that will prevent his house from going into foreclosure – but, of course, that means that he’s gonna have to pack up and move out of the house that he loves dearly and find somewhere else to live at some point in time. I watched his mood absolutely tank; and I think that if he hadn’t taken his antidepressants today, this might have been the last straw. I’m glad the Universe has made it possible for me to be here for him at this time.
Soooo… How did “we” respond to this? Well, today, we put in an employment application, and did some work on the documentation that he’s supposed to send to his State Congress Critter (who is supposedly dealing with Bank of America on its abuses of the mortgage market, despite being given all kinds of Federal funding to help people keep their homes.) Now that I’ve seen in detail all the shit – and there’s no nice name for it – that they’ve pulled, I’m even more appalled at the kinds of things they seem to be able to get away with, and do so with impunity.
There are times that I really wonder if I’m going to be able to be successful in getting him safely through this – or whether I’m over here waiting for my brother to off himself and be around for the funeral. The thing is, he sees the lights at the far end of the tunnel, but the path from where he is now to where the light actually is pooled so one can see where they’re going is utterly obscure. What makes matters worse are the contradictions and Catch-22’s (yes, plural) to his situation. Just discerning the proper way to proceed with all my faculties intact and unclouded by chronic depression is a HUGE undertaking; I can imagine that, from his perspective, it must seem incomprehensible and hopeless.
With all due respect to my SiL, she’s no help whatsoever. She’s good-hearted, and I think she wants to do the right thing, but she’s an utter and unapologetic materialist – and it is her driving need to “keep up with the Jones’” (most of whom are far more financially well off than she was cleaning their houses) and have the newest, biggest, baddest STUFF without apparent thought for living beyond her means that has driven them to this point. Before he married her, my brother’s house was comfortable and everything was paid for. If he had not refinanced to provide all that STUFF for his wife, he wouldn’t be in this mess.
I’m now in the position that I seriously don’t know just how long I’m going to be here. There’s too much STUFF in this house to fit into a small apartment – which is probably going to be the only thing they can afford – and there will have to be some kind of sale to downsize what they take with them. Packing up is going to test even my abilities to keep Dave alive, I’m afraid – because Judy pushes when she shouldn’t and doesn’t push when she should, and in many ways makes the situation a whole lot worse. Don’t get me wrong, I know that he loves her, and that she at least cares enough for him to get in contact with me – whom she really doesn’t like all that much – so I can help him in ways she can’t. But I honestly believe that, in many ways, he’d be better off without her.
Finally, there are the pets. Dave has three cats and an ancient cocker spaniel. He considers them his “kids”. All his life, he has wanted a white and a black cat – and now he has them: Cloud and Jet. When he’s forced out of his house, what is he gonna do with them – especially if the landlord doesn’t allow animals? This is a man who is losing his dreams in so many ways – losing his furry children as well WILL kill him.
I have to stay strong. I can’t let his situation make me emotionally distraught to the point that I can no longer be of help to him. But, I gotta admit, right now, all I want to do is go find myself a nice, dark corner and cry. My brother is a good man – honest and as kind as the day is long. He didn’t deserve what has happened to him, what IS happening to him, and a good share of what is yet to come.
This is so wrong.
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no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 07:58 am (UTC)>>my brother signed a sales contract that will prevent his house from going into foreclosure <<
At first I thought this meant he would be able to walk away debt-free, but judging from what you say about all the Catch 22's, he's not clear yet. I hope you'll be able to guide him out of that jungle.
About the pets, I see what you mean. Pets can be quite therapeutic for depressed people. Hopefully he'll be able to find an apartment that allows them.
You're in my thoughts. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:08 pm (UTC)We haven't quite gotten to the point of looking for apartments yet. We'll see what the pet situation cracks up to be at that point, I suppose...
Thanks for the thoughts. I can use them, I guarantee!
no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 03:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 08:49 pm (UTC)Many apartments will allow cats, and in LV, there are so many foreclosed houses that rentals of larger homes is also a possibility. I would suggest an apartment, if only to be able to have someone else do the groundskeeping and general maintenance. The dog may well be a problem because most apartments will not allow a dog. Perhaps an apartment in a house or a townhouse might allow pets.
Whatever happens, you have been in my thoughts and prayers and I have been sending lots of white light in your direction.
- Erulisse (one L)
no subject
Date: 2011-02-15 10:00 pm (UTC)My husband suggested seeing if AZ had a state disability benefit similar to CA's - and it doesn't. CA mandates money withheld by the employer for temporary disability, and my hubby was able to be on that for a while as his Social Security Disability application was pending. It was a PITA - the state of CA is nearly bankrupt and kept trying to kick him off the rolls, despite hubby's condition being a very permanent one - but playing the game and getting his doctor to recertify him everytime the state pulled its "you must be better now" number kept us afloat for months.
I wish AZ had a similar program.
The "Catch-22's" I spoke of above have to do with the fact that Dave's unemployment benefits from the job that laid him off originally have started up again - which is good on the one hand (as in having a bit more money to work with) and a pain on the other (as his SS disability application can be blown out of the water entirely if he earns more than $1k/mo at any job.)
More, the particulars of unemployment specify that you turn in two applications per week - and they cannot be made on the same day. So, contrary to the philosophy that if one wants a job, one pounds the pavement and fills out as many applications as one can get their hot little hands on, we've had to start making a list of places that he needs to hit websites for NEXT week, as I had him filling out the maximum apps within the second day I was here.
I had a bad moment last night, talking to my daughter. At least I can vent verbally to SOMEone who understands both me and my brother (even if not the complexities of the entire situation here.) I'm going to have to find a way to deal with the negativity that surrounds me - try to turn it to positive attitudes and actions - because I can be enough of an emotional chameleon to be overwhelmed. And I'm just nicely out of my own slough of despond over the deaths of my parents three years ago - I don't want to end up in another black hole of my own.
Thanks for the gift of white light and all the thoughts, meditations and prayers. You guys, along with phone calls to my famiy in CA, are the lifelines that are going to keep me anchored in a more pleasant reality. There's going to come a point where I'm going to have to let my brother's situation be HIS situation, and not own it myself.
And somehow manage to remain helpful and compassionate at the same time - not withdraw or make it seem like I'm abandoning him to his demons.
Oy.
On a positive note, however, I told my darling daughter to go down to a store we both haunt and buy herself a particularly beautiful stained glass-like vase that she'd been drooling over - and that I would reimburse her for it when I got home. You see, my old Ford Windstar would never have made the 550mi trek from Central CA to Scottsdale, so Súl kindly loaned me the use of her Prius. That is a demonstration of trust and generosity beyond measure, to me.
I have some of the best kids in the world, I think. Even the one in OR. I wouldn't trade any of them away - most of the time. :-D
no subject
Date: 2011-02-16 11:47 pm (UTC)And yeah, it sounds like your kids are great, even your son in OR. I hope that today was a bit better for you and your brother and sister-by-marriage.
- Erulisse (one L)
Update #1
Date: 2011-02-17 01:32 am (UTC)You are truly a tremendous person! Wow...I wish I too had some thoughts as to what to provide help for you and your brother and his family. It is disgusting what the Bank has done to him.
I am however sending you (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) and LOVE!
Miss you, and hope everything gets better soon, and please, feel free to email in private if you need to vent at all. I'd be happy to help any way I can.
Hugs and Love,
Vanime