Life, in general...
Jul. 24th, 2010 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aearwen2The past week (as of yesterday) has been... well... interesting. The current state of the economy strikes fairly close to home for me, and my time has been spend to a greater extent trying to pick up the pieces for a member of my family who has been hit hard.
A week ago Thursday, I received a (delayed) voicemail from my sister-in-law, telling me that she feared my brother was suicidal. Not surprising; he had fallen on the job about two years ago and shattered both bones in his left forearm and needed two or three separate surgeries to put it to rights again to the extent that it could get. Along the way, the economy tanked and he got laid off; and he lives in AZ, where the job situation is almost as bad as it is here in CA, and hasn't been able to get a long-term job since. The final upshot is that after suffering through a bankrupcy, he is losing his house, ownership of which was the culmination of a life-long dream.
Well, once he finally called me back (his attempt was to go out in 117° heat for a five mile hike wearing dark colors and not carrying water - only to be rehydrated by the local Fire Dept., who weren't certain it wasn't an accident and so sent him on home instead of to the hospital) I told him that he had his choice: either I was coming there the next day or he was coming over here the next day, and my preference was that he come here, if for no other reason than to give him a respite from the heartbreak being in his face 24/7 as they pack up their belongings hoping to short-sell the house.
He was terribly fragile emotionally when he got here, very close to tears, very shattered. We have been to the ocean a few times, we have talked, I have given him access to my laptop and given him a game he's never seen before to let his mind rest from the stresses and anguishes he's been through, he's been on a couple of walks, I've even hauled him to my duet practice once. But I also put him in touch with a minister of his denomination who has a degree in psychology; and she seems to have been able to reach him and start him on a path back to getting some level of control of himself again.
I gotta admit, I've held my breath a few times. Evidently he hasn't been sleeping well because of all his worries, so he has done a lot of sleeping here. More than that, he puts on a good act, and it's so very easy to be on "company manners" and not let on that he's hurting. My learning-disabled son wouldn't understand a failed suicide attempt, so all he knows is that his uncle is here for a two-week stay. Yesterday I took him to Montaña de Oro State Park, and we walked the edge of the water, fed the seagulls and talked, and I'm starting to feel that he might make it now. I have him until this next Friday, and he sees this minister at least once more before he heads home.
If there's one thing I'm grateful for, it's that the church here locally had such a talented and very personable minister (and a lady priest at that!) who could do what I was woefully unprepared to do: talk him back from the edge. Back in the Dark Ages, when I went through my own personal Hell, I could find nobody who could reach me. I found my reason to keep living through reading and eventually finding something worthwhile to believe in after my faith in myself and everything else I'd ever believed in (up to and including myself) crumbled. I am very grateful his descent didn't have to follow that path.
If any of you reading this ever feel that someone you know and/or care about is starting to think of suicide, please. Take the responsibility to try to get that person to some kind of trained, professional help: a minister, a Mental Health counsellor, a psychologist, anybody who knows how to listen and advise wisely. Suicide is, as someone I knew once put it, "a very permanent solution to a temporary problem", and a little awareness and willingness to stick the neck out and try to get the person suffering to someone who can help is often all it takes to save a life.
Tomorrow sees me music up to the epaulettes again - morning service with the choir, then program practice (I'm the musical director & accompanist for that) and choir practice that afternoon. Everyday Dave's here, I'm doing something different. I am determined, now, to enjoy the rest of his stay. Some of our talk has cleared air that has needed clearing for years, and we're closer now than ever. It's likely I'll end up in AZ before the summer is out to help him in packing up the parts of his life in his house that he valued the most and will feel the loss of most.
Anyhoo, if I don't poke my head up much in here for a while, you'll know what's up.
A week ago Thursday, I received a (delayed) voicemail from my sister-in-law, telling me that she feared my brother was suicidal. Not surprising; he had fallen on the job about two years ago and shattered both bones in his left forearm and needed two or three separate surgeries to put it to rights again to the extent that it could get. Along the way, the economy tanked and he got laid off; and he lives in AZ, where the job situation is almost as bad as it is here in CA, and hasn't been able to get a long-term job since. The final upshot is that after suffering through a bankrupcy, he is losing his house, ownership of which was the culmination of a life-long dream.
Well, once he finally called me back (his attempt was to go out in 117° heat for a five mile hike wearing dark colors and not carrying water - only to be rehydrated by the local Fire Dept., who weren't certain it wasn't an accident and so sent him on home instead of to the hospital) I told him that he had his choice: either I was coming there the next day or he was coming over here the next day, and my preference was that he come here, if for no other reason than to give him a respite from the heartbreak being in his face 24/7 as they pack up their belongings hoping to short-sell the house.
He was terribly fragile emotionally when he got here, very close to tears, very shattered. We have been to the ocean a few times, we have talked, I have given him access to my laptop and given him a game he's never seen before to let his mind rest from the stresses and anguishes he's been through, he's been on a couple of walks, I've even hauled him to my duet practice once. But I also put him in touch with a minister of his denomination who has a degree in psychology; and she seems to have been able to reach him and start him on a path back to getting some level of control of himself again.
I gotta admit, I've held my breath a few times. Evidently he hasn't been sleeping well because of all his worries, so he has done a lot of sleeping here. More than that, he puts on a good act, and it's so very easy to be on "company manners" and not let on that he's hurting. My learning-disabled son wouldn't understand a failed suicide attempt, so all he knows is that his uncle is here for a two-week stay. Yesterday I took him to Montaña de Oro State Park, and we walked the edge of the water, fed the seagulls and talked, and I'm starting to feel that he might make it now. I have him until this next Friday, and he sees this minister at least once more before he heads home.
If there's one thing I'm grateful for, it's that the church here locally had such a talented and very personable minister (and a lady priest at that!) who could do what I was woefully unprepared to do: talk him back from the edge. Back in the Dark Ages, when I went through my own personal Hell, I could find nobody who could reach me. I found my reason to keep living through reading and eventually finding something worthwhile to believe in after my faith in myself and everything else I'd ever believed in (up to and including myself) crumbled. I am very grateful his descent didn't have to follow that path.
If any of you reading this ever feel that someone you know and/or care about is starting to think of suicide, please. Take the responsibility to try to get that person to some kind of trained, professional help: a minister, a Mental Health counsellor, a psychologist, anybody who knows how to listen and advise wisely. Suicide is, as someone I knew once put it, "a very permanent solution to a temporary problem", and a little awareness and willingness to stick the neck out and try to get the person suffering to someone who can help is often all it takes to save a life.
Tomorrow sees me music up to the epaulettes again - morning service with the choir, then program practice (I'm the musical director & accompanist for that) and choir practice that afternoon. Everyday Dave's here, I'm doing something different. I am determined, now, to enjoy the rest of his stay. Some of our talk has cleared air that has needed clearing for years, and we're closer now than ever. It's likely I'll end up in AZ before the summer is out to help him in packing up the parts of his life in his house that he valued the most and will feel the loss of most.
Anyhoo, if I don't poke my head up much in here for a while, you'll know what's up.
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no subject
Date: 2010-07-25 12:10 am (UTC)Thank goodness that he's on the mend! I can certainly understand his being on the brink -it's not hard to imagine the emotional or mental anguish your brother went through. The fact that you also had your moment of that hell, and came out of it, speaks of your great strength. Your brother will get better, I am sure of it. With you there, I can't imagine any other alternative.
Many hugs and love your way mellon nin,
Vanime
no subject
Date: 2010-07-25 08:56 am (UTC)But I suppose a man of your brother's generation regards himself as 'the breadwinner' which would make his and his family' current situation hit him even harder.
The darned recession has caused so much damage! We see it over here, too, although of course not to the same extent (due to a different type of unemployment and health insurance); so many families have put their dream house up for sale but the number of sellers is much larger than the number of people buying.
Sending good thoughts to both of you. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2010-07-25 03:56 pm (UTC)By 'They' I mean the ones who fomented and profited on the real estate bubble, and further profited on the looting of the economy.
I send your brother strength. Meanwhile, I'll just be angry on his behalf.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-26 05:39 am (UTC)