NaNo - Day 12

[aearwen2]

I'm starting to wonder if having things go awry is a characteristic of the middle phase of NaNo, because today was an excellent example of things not going according to plan at all!

Oh Hell. I was just starting this blog when I got the kind of phone call that simply blows one's mind and blows any semblence of knowing what the world's about out of the water completely.

My daughter in Oregon is in the hospital - tried to slit her wrists.



Talk about a stunner. I knew she was desperately unhappy there, and incredibly homesick. We've been speaking on the phone quite often lately, and I spoke in here about how all the sudden shifts in her attitude were beginning to worry me. Well, guess my worry was warranted.

Got the call at about 6PM from one of her roommates up there, telling me that she evidently tried to cut her wrists sometime today. She's coherent and cooperative, I'm told, but... According to roommate, she'll probably be under 24hr watch - at least for the next day or so. I suppose in one way, I should be grateful. For the next 24hrs or so, I'll know that she's safe and people are around her who can take care of her properly.

But it leaves me - and the family as a whole - wondering "what the Hell do we do now!?!?!?! Do we dash up to Oregon and bring her home? Do we trust that she has the kind of therapist that can deal with this kind of issue? We're not exactly made of money, and my van won't make the 750-800 mile trip, so if I go, it will either be renting something or by train. I'm not certain we are prepared to handle her issues here at home either - suicide is a desperate cry for help, and I know that she needs good, professional mental health care.

I'm also feeling a little guilty, thinking that perhaps telling her that the financial well here has pretty much dried up in terms of loans or assistance. It's the truth, but I doubt it's ever been put to her in a way that lets her know that her actions as Lee there at the end have had consequences. Did that drive her this time?

Daughter Súl is putting in a call to her therapist, hoping that maybe she might have a word of advice for me. I've called another friend who used to be a psychologist, and hopefully when she's feeling a bit better tomorrow, *I* can do some talking myself. I can also call the head of the Theosophical temple nearby, as she knows our family and might have some advice I could use.

In the meanwhile, I'm sitting here feeling empty and worried and not quite sure how I feel. My gut instinct is to get to Oregon ASAP - to Hell with whether or not Vanna/Squeek screwed me out of a lot of money back when. If it comes to my child's life or worries about money, my child's life is far more valuable to me.

I have the phone number for the hospital, and I'll probably call them and see if I can talk to Vanna (if it's allowed at the moment) and/or to someone who can tell me about her condition and what's going on at that end. I have the address where Vanna lives, and I'll need to think of something very nice to send along by way of expressing my gratitude to the roommate who thought to get in contact with Vanna's wife to get my contact information so she could call me.

ETA: I just talked to Vanna herself. She's really in a bad way - very spacey. Says she'd cut her wrists and gone out into the cold to let hypothermia do its thing. Then, when I told her I loved her, she broke down and cried - said she thought we'd abandoned her.

Geez. This is even worse than when my brother tried the same basic stunt. I feel like absolute s#!^ now. end ETA



I'm not exactly sure I'll even have word count tomorrow. A lot depends on whether I can concentrate and use Phoenix as a distraction when I'm between phone calls and/or arrangements. But, since I did actually make my count today, here's my progress:

23463 / 50000 words. 47% done!

For what it's worth.

Phooey.

Comments

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

I am sorry, dear. I m a mother too and I understand how you might be feeling. I know this is a delicate issue, but I'd go ith my gut instinct. I hope things get better for you and your child.

*hugs*

[rhapsody11.livejournal.com]

Oh my... what a dilemma. A true Solomon's dilemma.

You're wordcount is very awesome in my book, but I can surely understand that your daughter comes first. I will be thinking of you both *hugs*

[engarian.livejournal.com]

As you know, I'm available for you 24/7 anytime you need to talk. We did get some talking in today, despite our Wednesday gremlins, but I'm sending you a *hug* anyway because I think you need one. Now...remember - BREATHE!

- Erulisse (one L)

[jkahane.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear, Mar...so sorry to hear this news from you here.

If there's anything I can do, or if you'd like to talk, please do so.

My instincts tell me to go with your gut feelings on this. I hope things work out for you and your daughter soonest.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}